FUNLAND

Surprise! More confusion, more clarity, transformation, and smut! Also lately a kind of letting go of some concerns for "decorum".

A while back I wrote a tweet where I declared my impatience/frustration with my near universal desire to fit in to others' perceived expectations of me, to be loved and accepted etc.

Phrases like "be yourself" and "it doesn't matter what others think" and "if they don't like you fuck 'em!" are kind of cliché. I hear them a lot, and everyone agrees they're a good idea, but they're seldom really applied and lived by. We admire the few people that live by them IF we happen also to approve of their choices and accomplishments.

I have made choices here to conduct/share myself in a certain way. I write certain stuff here, certain things on twitter, other things about myself on facebook, some things in private journals, some things I only would say to a close friend and still other things to no one at all.

Again I'm faced with the daunting task of consolidating all my different avenues of expression. I'm tired of separating it all yet still afraid of breaking down those boundaries.

Lately I've been spending a lot of time at the beach with some great friends, and for whatever reason, having spent that time mostly naked and with others either into pup play or furry, I seem to have busted through a few of my blocks/fears around being judged for how I look naked. It's about time!

I finally did a pup night tonight in just a hood, mitts & jock and it felt great. (I might have even lost the jock for a bit). I'm kind of amazed at how far it all went tonight, but pleased as well. Also happy that I feel comfortable enough to share it here. Time to let go of bullshit illusions like "mystique" or fears of being labeled a "slut". Coincidentally I did label someone that tonight with my trusty Sharpie. A back makes a great canvas!

Hopefully I'll be inspired to write here more often. I've gotten some great feedback and I really appreciate it!

More to come! More to cum!

AFFABLE FURRY

Some have said I already am, some have said it's a completely different endeavour, but as I said to some kindred spirits this weekend, (who I met via the pup scene), some of the guys/pups/handlers etc that I've felt the strongest connections to happen to identify as furry/furries. I don't think this affinity is coincidental, so I'm delving into furrydom with some fervour. I opened up a profile on furaffinity.net and spent some time this evening working on some digital pup art. No matter where this journey leads me, I've met some awesome guys (in and out of their suits). I have also found inspiration in the variety of artwork, digital and traditional, in all sorts of mediums that permeates the scene. Looking forward to contributing some of my own. Full blooded or honourary? Time will tell :D

PUP ON THE BEACH

HAPPY PAWS

I'm happy to share that despite some upheavals in my life in the past few months, everything's ended up "right as rain" as they say (in particular I'm thinking of The Oracle speaking to Neo in The Matrix when I write those words, but I digress...).

When I was young, I told my parents that I'd have my own religion someday, and at least for now, that dream is taking the form of being a pup ambassador in my own quiet way. I'm amazed at how many have approached me with questions about puppydom, and despite my relative newness to the scene, have sought my advice and perspective in one form or another. Of course I've been happy to share my thoughts while knowing that I can't possibly speak for everyone, and can only speak from my own pup heart. These opportunities to share have made me reflect on my own hidden thoughts and desires, and have made me more confident in myself as a pup and as a regular dude too :)

Overall I'm experiencing a sense of new found freedom. Even in those areas that I still limit or judge myself, I'm seeing glimmers of what's possible, and uncovering limitations I've placed on myself in the past.

I continue to be amazed by all the support around me on this journey, often given by those who don't even realize to what extent they've helped me move myself forward.

So often I've experienced growth while coming out of a dark or complicated time. It's nice to experience a kind of transformation now while not in some sort of dire straits or muck. Sure there's the odd bit of sticky sand that irks me now and again, but overall I'm thriving, despite the fact that I sometimes second-guess myself or feel lonely or angry.

I'm still the ever optimistic, smiley pup on my journey to be the best and most adorable pup I can be :D

Thanks for checking-in as I wander, wonder, and wag!

TIME TO FILL MY BOWL

I have my paws on a newer computer so I'm hoping to post here more regularly again!

In case you missed it last month, I was so happy to contribute some perspectives on pup play for an article written by a friend of mine. Check out his hot blog & the link below for sexy thoughts & pics :D

http://leatherfetishfox.blogspot.ca/2012/05/fetish-of-month-may-puppy-play.html

DOGLISTIC HEALING

This is the first of a few "pup paintings" I've made, and I plan to create more. :P

PRIVY TO A GREAT BECOMING

I've had the pleasure of housesitting for the last few weeks and have experienced what's felt like a mini vacation. I've had time to reflect on some things and remind myself of the stuff that's important to me.

Going forward I want to continue this experience of reflection, regeneration and renewal. Time to take better care of myself. More sleep, more exercise, more spring water, healthier food choices, more joy.

I've been thinking about the qualities I value in myself and others. Last night at pup night I spent some quiet time to myself on the mat, despite being surrounded by about a dozen pups. 

Afterwards, some people shared their observations of my behavior and asked about my mindset and experience of that night.

It made me think about the assumptions we make about other people. Both the people we know and the ones we don't. I want to nurture my sense of curiousity and refrain from "filling in the blanks" when I interact with people. Even the ones I know well. 

I want to be seen and appreciated for who I am in the moment. And I want to offer the same to those that I choose to interact and spend time with.

The interactions I have with those that see me through a narrow filter are not so interesting to me. I in turn want to share myself at a level that's as honest and straightforward as possible. I want to paint a clear picture. Those who choose to will then see me for the pup I am :)