[I'M] POST-TABOO

When I posted the link to the Taboo vid yesterday, I did it with some hesitation, as up until then I'd kept each post here more about my own creations and views. I wasn't sure if I wanted to include views that might not fully overlap my own experiences or opinions. This post is a reflection on the decision to add the vid here and also inspired by some things I've read about the program that it's a part of.

Recently, a friend of mine was approached to take part in an episode of the show. While deciding whether he would or not, he asked friends and colleagues in his community to share their views and assist him in his decision to participate or not. I was fascinated with the response he got.

An overwhelming majority of people suggested that he shouldn't participate. That the producers would present the material in a bad light, focus on negative aspects etc. I haven't watched the show, except for the clip I shared, so I can't speak to the methods and content of the show. What I did find in the clip that I shared was a presentation of pup play that shared a particular set of perspectives and presented the participants stories in a somewhat matter-of-fact way.

I don't know if the participants were pleased with the results, but I didn't find the clip to be overly sensational in any way. I think that some people/human behaviours do fall out of the general public's comfort zone and do seem strange, and that's OK with me. I've done my best and continue to embrace my own difference and peculiarities the best way I can, whether they fall into the sex category or not. I believe it's my job to be myself and share myself. True, sometimes people will judge me or misunderstand me, or take what I say and do and interpret it their own way. That's always gonna happen, in the media, or in personal conversations. We all have a love of judgement & categorization in our own ways. It's a way to feel safe and in control.

Over this year I've had opportunities to share my story and myself, and have generally been pleased with my progress and the response. When my words/actions have been reflected back to me, I haven't always found it to be a true reflection. Its been filtered or muddled sometimes in slight ways. Overall though, I've found the pursuit of sharing worthwhile. Others' filters and interpretations will always co-mingle, just as when they share with us, we apply out own judgements and lenses.

My friend decided to not participate in the show for his own reasons and I fully support that. He decided it was the best course of action for him, and I believe he made his decision after careful thought and from a methodical & logical space. Many of the responses he received though, seemed to come from a fear perspective. These were people accusing the show of being dramatic and unfair, while they themselves were coming from a space of hateful hysteria. They meant well I'm sure. It's not that I find their views invalid. They're a reminder to me to be more precise in my choice of words sometimes, and of my own fears, judgements and limitations.

I will continue to take the opportunities that present themselves to share more and be more open, perhaps risking the odd "lost in translation' moment :)

NATIONAL PUPOGRAPHIC

An episode of Taboo on the National Geographic Channel presents some people's perspectives on pup play.

THE FLOOR IS LAVA

I feel like "a fisher of men". I've cast the net wide and have met many amazing guys. Some I've seen face to face, some, I plan to meet one day, and some I might never meet.

In this intersection of paths, wills, and explorations I've been learning a lot about myself. Seeing who I become around different people, revealing to myself some of my quirks and habits, and ways of behaving around people I've just gotten to know, or have been trying to impress.

I feel as if different people bring out different aspects of my personality and ways of being. My intention and actions always come from a genuine place, and a desire to be as open and honest as possible.

The situation of dating and exploring with different guys is one that I reflect on a lot, and also one that I don't share too often, especially not publicly, as I feel shy/awkward about putting some of these situations/ inner workings of my mind out there, for fear of others' raised eyebrows or judgements.

I'm not into the idea of giving people certain play by plays as I respect the privacy of the gentlemen involved. Rather, its my own general thoughts on the situation(s) I find myself in that I'm more interested in sharing.

Perhaps even that feels weird, as I choose to do this publicly, and there's a real possibility that some involved in my life will get some insight into my inner workings that perhaps I'm not comfortable inviting them into. But at the same time I want to lessen opportunities for manipulation whenever possible, and hide next to nothing. Is that a worthwhile goal, that kind of vulnerability? I think so, though not always sure about wanting it or my reasons for pursuing it.

More to write here, perhaps the addition of some hopeful spin or exclamation, but this'll be it for now :)

HORN OF PLENTY

I finally decided to take a kind of leap and bring many of my friends, specifically those on facebook into the loop in terms of some of my activities, thoughts, views, and perspectives on myself and my surroundings. There are those who think of me as a private person, but really, I'm simply selective in terms of what I choose to share in various circumstances. True, I've chosen to keep this blog and my tweets public. I have also wanted some small amount of compartmentalization in my life at this time, be it at work, or even in my social life, and because of that, I've decided to create a second facebook account. I know, to those that have decided to shut down or limit their accounts, this must sound horrible :O.

My new profile is connected to my twitter account, but also to my tumblr (my paintings and other creations) and my instagram/statigram account (@hawkshep: daily randomness as well as a look at my growing shoe collection :P). I'm hoping to create facebook specific posts as well in the coming weeks and beyond.

In the last few days I've been a bit overwhelmed in this "coming-out" and sharing process, and wonder whether I'm taking a lot on, in terms of all the online avenues that I want to contribute content to. Reflecting on it though, I'm seeing this "spreading out" as a creation of many options for sharing, no matter what my mood, whatever I might feel like postiing. There'll be a place for all the ten thousand things. :D

ART WHORE

I've been meaning to put all my pup paintings & photo manipulations in one place for a while, and have created a tumblr for my art-related exhibitionism. Edging towards an adult, NSFW status here :P

www.HawkShep.tumblr.com

fab DOG

Last month, I tweeted that'd I'd taken part in an interview for a fab magazine article by Scott Dagostino. I forgot to post the link here! Check it out :D



http://www.fabmagazine.com/story/i-wanna-be-your-dog

HAWK UNMASKED

It's been too long since my last post. I've been sharing a lot about myself lately though on twitter and been having a blast with that. I keep the company of a lot of openminded guys there, some of whom are porn stars, exhibitionists, kinksters, free spirits, and the like. They've inspired me to share more, and to let go of my desire to hide and censor myself. Not only am I finding myself sharing racier, personal stuff, kinks and secret desires, I'm also seeing the joy in living with more freedom and less shame. I'm celebrating my body and my sexuality. It's an work in progress, just like so many other things, but I feel like I'm definitely going in the right direction. In the coming days I'll be posting some long overdue artwork and maybe a pic or two of me as well. Autumn is coming, and it's time to bring in the harvest, lol.



If you are on twitter, try tweeting #10FactsAboutMe or better still #10DirtyFactsAboutMe. Not only is it liberating, you might find, as I did, that you'll learn something new about yourself :) FUN.