Sunday, 24 June 2012
Saturday, 23 June 2012
HAPPY PAWS
I'm happy to share that despite some upheavals in my life in the past few months, everything's ended up "right as rain" as they say (in particular I'm thinking of The Oracle speaking to Neo in The Matrix when I write those words, but I digress...).
When I was young, I told my parents that I'd have my own religion someday, and at least for now, that dream is taking the form of being a pup ambassador in my own quiet way. I'm amazed at how many have approached me with questions about puppydom, and despite my relative newness to the scene, have sought my advice and perspective in one form or another. Of course I've been happy to share my thoughts while knowing that I can't possibly speak for everyone, and can only speak from my own pup heart. These opportunities to share have made me reflect on my own hidden thoughts and desires, and have made me more confident in myself as a pup and as a regular dude too :)
Overall I'm experiencing a sense of new found freedom. Even in those areas that I still limit or judge myself, I'm seeing glimmers of what's possible, and uncovering limitations I've placed on myself in the past.
I continue to be amazed by all the support around me on this journey, often given by those who don't even realize to what extent they've helped me move myself forward.
So often I've experienced growth while coming out of a dark or complicated time. It's nice to experience a kind of transformation now while not in some sort of dire straits or muck. Sure there's the odd bit of sticky sand that irks me now and again, but overall I'm thriving, despite the fact that I sometimes second-guess myself or feel lonely or angry.
I'm still the ever optimistic, smiley pup on my journey to be the best and most adorable pup I can be :D
Thanks for checking-in as I wander, wonder, and wag!
When I was young, I told my parents that I'd have my own religion someday, and at least for now, that dream is taking the form of being a pup ambassador in my own quiet way. I'm amazed at how many have approached me with questions about puppydom, and despite my relative newness to the scene, have sought my advice and perspective in one form or another. Of course I've been happy to share my thoughts while knowing that I can't possibly speak for everyone, and can only speak from my own pup heart. These opportunities to share have made me reflect on my own hidden thoughts and desires, and have made me more confident in myself as a pup and as a regular dude too :)
Overall I'm experiencing a sense of new found freedom. Even in those areas that I still limit or judge myself, I'm seeing glimmers of what's possible, and uncovering limitations I've placed on myself in the past.
I continue to be amazed by all the support around me on this journey, often given by those who don't even realize to what extent they've helped me move myself forward.
So often I've experienced growth while coming out of a dark or complicated time. It's nice to experience a kind of transformation now while not in some sort of dire straits or muck. Sure there's the odd bit of sticky sand that irks me now and again, but overall I'm thriving, despite the fact that I sometimes second-guess myself or feel lonely or angry.
I'm still the ever optimistic, smiley pup on my journey to be the best and most adorable pup I can be :D
Thanks for checking-in as I wander, wonder, and wag!
Monday, 18 June 2012
TIME TO FILL MY BOWL
I have my paws on a newer computer so I'm hoping to post here more regularly again!
In case you missed it last month, I was so happy to contribute some perspectives on pup play for an article written by a friend of mine. Check out his hot blog & the link below for sexy thoughts & pics :D
http://leatherfetishfox.blogspot.ca/2012/05/fetish-of-month-may-puppy-play.html
In case you missed it last month, I was so happy to contribute some perspectives on pup play for an article written by a friend of mine. Check out his hot blog & the link below for sexy thoughts & pics :D
http://leatherfetishfox.blogspot.ca/2012/05/fetish-of-month-may-puppy-play.html
Wednesday, 2 May 2012
DOGLISTIC HEALING
This is the first of a few "pup paintings" I've made, and I plan to create more. :P
Friday, 13 April 2012
PRIVY TO A GREAT BECOMING
I've had the pleasure of housesitting for the last few weeks and have experienced what's felt like a mini vacation. I've had time to reflect on some things and remind myself of the stuff that's important to me.
Going forward I want to continue this experience of reflection, regeneration and renewal. Time to take better care of myself. More sleep, more exercise, more spring water, healthier food choices, more joy.
I've been thinking about the qualities I value in myself and others. Last night at pup night I spent some quiet time to myself on the mat, despite being surrounded by about a dozen pups.
Afterwards, some people shared their observations of my behavior and asked about my mindset and experience of that night.
It made me think about the assumptions we make about other people. Both the people we know and the ones we don't. I want to nurture my sense of curiousity and refrain from "filling in the blanks" when I interact with people. Even the ones I know well.
I want to be seen and appreciated for who I am in the moment. And I want to offer the same to those that I choose to interact and spend time with.
The interactions I have with those that see me through a narrow filter are not so interesting to me. I in turn want to share myself at a level that's as honest and straightforward as possible. I want to paint a clear picture. Those who choose to will then see me for the pup I am :)
Going forward I want to continue this experience of reflection, regeneration and renewal. Time to take better care of myself. More sleep, more exercise, more spring water, healthier food choices, more joy.
I've been thinking about the qualities I value in myself and others. Last night at pup night I spent some quiet time to myself on the mat, despite being surrounded by about a dozen pups.
Afterwards, some people shared their observations of my behavior and asked about my mindset and experience of that night.
It made me think about the assumptions we make about other people. Both the people we know and the ones we don't. I want to nurture my sense of curiousity and refrain from "filling in the blanks" when I interact with people. Even the ones I know well.
I want to be seen and appreciated for who I am in the moment. And I want to offer the same to those that I choose to interact and spend time with.
The interactions I have with those that see me through a narrow filter are not so interesting to me. I in turn want to share myself at a level that's as honest and straightforward as possible. I want to paint a clear picture. Those who choose to will then see me for the pup I am :)
Wednesday, 14 March 2012
Sunday, 4 March 2012
DOG DRAMA
Lately I've been reflecting on how sharing my pup self with others has been a lot like my coming out experience. I worked on some paintings this week which feature some pup elements, and I've been feeling stressed about people seeing them at the opening this week because I've been afraid of answering their questions about the work and revealing myself further.
I'm realizing that it's not so much their possible reactions I fear. I'm being affected by the feelings and emotions that come from encompassing, embracing and integrating aspects of myself, and the choice to be more public about that self. I stumbled upon a blog post I wrote many years ago, and was amused to see that it still very much rings true for me. I've included it here:
Fucking Faggot
There was a time that I removed myself from gay culture. Most gay men in the gay community triggered me. I judged all their choices. I judged how some gay men talked, what they talked about, how they dressed, how they spent their money, how they spent their time. I judged their choices around relationships, their views on the world. I judged their outrageousness. I couldn't understand how some people could celebrate these gay men.
After I came out at 19, I hardly hid my sexual preferences from anyone, and yet, I began a journey of controlling my actions, my appearance, in a direction that I thought was acceptable for a gay man to exhibit. Sure, there were many that found me and saw me at times as flamboyant and "gay", but I strived to be all those things to a certain degree, to the "right" amount. I thought of myself as an example to all of how all gay men should be. I created an ideal in my mind, did my best to emulate it, and then wished everyone else would too. I cringed at gay men who acted "gayer"(!) than me, as I thought of them as giving all gay men a bad name. I thought, they were the ones responsible for encouraging hate and homophobia, separation, confusion and miscommunication and misunderstanding.
I came to seperate myself from the gay community at large and only interacted with "enlightened" gay men, who saw themselves as better than those "other" gay men. Yet again, I went up the mountain, shunning those who did things differently. There was a benefit at the time to surround myself with the like-minded. I needed them to support my illusion. I needed the gift of time before I could jump.
These gay men triggered me. Made me angry. I wanted to shake them, to shut them up.
The journey was a long one, with many twists and turns, but I have now come to see the amazing reflection they were and are to me of my fears around my sexuality, of my choice to manifest as a gay man, of my fears around being an outcast, not good enough, bad, unlovable, alone, rejected, damaged. Yes, there is a lot of healing and growth needed within the gay community (they've taken on the guilt of the world), and I am one who's chosen to assist those who choose to work with me, on their journies of self-love, acceptance and self-empowerment. I've realized though, that the most significant way that I can be of assistance is through the example of myself. Those illusions and fears I have seen my way through, I can then assist others through.
I so appreciate all gay men, for the work that they have done and continue to do. They are triggering all of society to look at its fears around sexuality, the feminine, the masculine, the illusions of gender and appearance, promisquity, alternative relationships and partnerships, harm, pain, pleasure...and so much more. They have come in to play with me, to trigger me, just as I have triggered others. I have brought out the uncomfortableness and fear of others just by being myself. I celebrate them, and I celebrate myself.
Of course, so many others in society are reflecting back to us all of these illusions, fears, and our limiting belief structures. They're just doing it in their own unique way, blasting themselves through consciousness like a speeding train.
There are many times that I'm uncomfortable with the choices that people make around me, gay or straight. More and more though, I'm choosing to encompass all choice. To see the benefit of all directions. To see myself in the gay-basher, the uncomfortable straight man, the furious homophobe, the indifferent observer, the gay snob, the screaming queen, the leather-daddy, the abuser, the dog-slave, the gay husband, the gay country-couple, the drag queen, the straight-to-bed guy, the boy-toy, the AIDS patient, the closeted husband, the nelly, the fag, the faggot, the queer, the fudge-packer, the cocksucker, the top, the bottom, the healer, the lover, the Saviour, the Messiah, the Messenger...the limitless roles, characters, beings, under the sky and moon, in all the cracks and valleys of the universe.
I wish to encompass all of these and so many others I didn't mention, and to remove all of my judgment around these roles, these masks and illusions. My journey of full appreciation is not complete yet, but I'm on my way, walking down a hall of mirrors, pausing before each one to kiss it, before I move on.
I'm realizing that it's not so much their possible reactions I fear. I'm being affected by the feelings and emotions that come from encompassing, embracing and integrating aspects of myself, and the choice to be more public about that self. I stumbled upon a blog post I wrote many years ago, and was amused to see that it still very much rings true for me. I've included it here:
Fucking Faggot
There was a time that I removed myself from gay culture. Most gay men in the gay community triggered me. I judged all their choices. I judged how some gay men talked, what they talked about, how they dressed, how they spent their money, how they spent their time. I judged their choices around relationships, their views on the world. I judged their outrageousness. I couldn't understand how some people could celebrate these gay men.
After I came out at 19, I hardly hid my sexual preferences from anyone, and yet, I began a journey of controlling my actions, my appearance, in a direction that I thought was acceptable for a gay man to exhibit. Sure, there were many that found me and saw me at times as flamboyant and "gay", but I strived to be all those things to a certain degree, to the "right" amount. I thought of myself as an example to all of how all gay men should be. I created an ideal in my mind, did my best to emulate it, and then wished everyone else would too. I cringed at gay men who acted "gayer"(!) than me, as I thought of them as giving all gay men a bad name. I thought, they were the ones responsible for encouraging hate and homophobia, separation, confusion and miscommunication and misunderstanding.
I came to seperate myself from the gay community at large and only interacted with "enlightened" gay men, who saw themselves as better than those "other" gay men. Yet again, I went up the mountain, shunning those who did things differently. There was a benefit at the time to surround myself with the like-minded. I needed them to support my illusion. I needed the gift of time before I could jump.
These gay men triggered me. Made me angry. I wanted to shake them, to shut them up.
The journey was a long one, with many twists and turns, but I have now come to see the amazing reflection they were and are to me of my fears around my sexuality, of my choice to manifest as a gay man, of my fears around being an outcast, not good enough, bad, unlovable, alone, rejected, damaged. Yes, there is a lot of healing and growth needed within the gay community (they've taken on the guilt of the world), and I am one who's chosen to assist those who choose to work with me, on their journies of self-love, acceptance and self-empowerment. I've realized though, that the most significant way that I can be of assistance is through the example of myself. Those illusions and fears I have seen my way through, I can then assist others through.
I so appreciate all gay men, for the work that they have done and continue to do. They are triggering all of society to look at its fears around sexuality, the feminine, the masculine, the illusions of gender and appearance, promisquity, alternative relationships and partnerships, harm, pain, pleasure...and so much more. They have come in to play with me, to trigger me, just as I have triggered others. I have brought out the uncomfortableness and fear of others just by being myself. I celebrate them, and I celebrate myself.
Of course, so many others in society are reflecting back to us all of these illusions, fears, and our limiting belief structures. They're just doing it in their own unique way, blasting themselves through consciousness like a speeding train.
There are many times that I'm uncomfortable with the choices that people make around me, gay or straight. More and more though, I'm choosing to encompass all choice. To see the benefit of all directions. To see myself in the gay-basher, the uncomfortable straight man, the furious homophobe, the indifferent observer, the gay snob, the screaming queen, the leather-daddy, the abuser, the dog-slave, the gay husband, the gay country-couple, the drag queen, the straight-to-bed guy, the boy-toy, the AIDS patient, the closeted husband, the nelly, the fag, the faggot, the queer, the fudge-packer, the cocksucker, the top, the bottom, the healer, the lover, the Saviour, the Messiah, the Messenger...the limitless roles, characters, beings, under the sky and moon, in all the cracks and valleys of the universe.
I wish to encompass all of these and so many others I didn't mention, and to remove all of my judgment around these roles, these masks and illusions. My journey of full appreciation is not complete yet, but I'm on my way, walking down a hall of mirrors, pausing before each one to kiss it, before I move on.
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